These days, many of us are told to make happiness our ultimate goal – in life and at work. We see it in self-help books and feel it on social media, where a constant state of bliss is often portrayed as the norm. However, researchers and psychologists point out that chasing happiness as an end goal is a recipe for disappointment [1]. A booming “happiness” industry (worth over $11 billion a year) has sold us the fantasy that we should be happy all the time, an expectation real life stubbornly fails to deliver [2]. In reality, happiness is a fleeting, situational emotion, not a permanent condition. As the Brazilian poet Vinicius de Moraes mused, “happiness is like a feather flying in the air – it flies light, but not for very long.” Our moments of joy are real, but they drift in and out, temporarily buoying us before life moves on [4].
Psychologist Viktor Frankl expanded on the elusive nature of happiness and noted that we cannot will ourselves to be happy; rather, happiness must ensue as a by-product of living out our purpose [5][6]. In other words, the more directly we chase “being happy,” the more it slips from our grasp. Modern research echoes this truth: focusing obsessively on achieving happiness often leads to “miswanting” – we strive for things we think will make us happy, only to feel let down once we get them [7]. Pursuing happiness alone sets up an unrealistic ideal, a moving target that leaves us dissatisfied[8]. Happiness, at least in the simplistic sense of constant positive vibes, is more about feeling comfortable in a moment. Wellbeing, on the other hand, is something deeper and more enduring – it has a lot to do with meaning and purpose in life [9].
So if pinning all our hopes on perpetual happiness is a dead end and the absence of happiness isn’t the problem we think it is, it begs the question: what are we really aiming for in life and work?
Wired to Strive: The Evolutionary Perspective
From an evolutionary standpoint, humans did not evolve to be consistently happy or content[10]. Our prehistoric ancestors survived because they were vigilant, productive, and driven – not because they sat around in constant delight. In fact, a persistent state of contentment would have been dangerous. If a hunter-gatherer got too comfy basking in happiness, they might lose vigilance and miss the rustle of a predator or forget to forage for the next meal. As one psychiatrist put it, nature discourages continuous contentment “because it would lower our guard against possible threats to survival.”[10] In evolutionary terms, survival and reproduction trump bliss. Our brains developed with a sharp negativity bias and an urge to always improve our situation – traits that kept early humans alive by focusing on problems and dangers more than pleasures.
What does this mean for us today? It means feeling occasional stress, dissatisfaction or worry is not a defect – it’s part of being human. Our brains are built to solve problems and strive, not to rest in a nirvana of endless happiness. As clinical researcher Rafael Euba explains, we’re “meant to struggle and strive, seek gratification and safety, fight off threats and avoid pain” as needed[11]. That doesn’t sound very fun – but it is how our species thrived. Hard effort, vigilance, and purposefulness ensured our ancestors found food, built shelter, and protected each other. Those who were blissed out and complacent didn’t make it. Thus, some amount of discontent is actually adaptive: it spurs us to act, to achieve, to secure a better future.
This perspective sheds light on why the modern mandate to “be happy all the time” feels so wrong. It goes against our grain. We simply weren’t designed to walk around in a state of unending euphoria. And importantly, not feeling happy 24/7 isn’t failure – it’s normal. As Euba notes, when we do feel unhappy or unmotivated at times, we should remember “dissatisfaction is not a personal failure…it is what makes you human.”[12] Evolution gave us a spectrum of emotions – from joy and love to anxiety and frustration – each useful in its own way. Even negative moods have a purpose (for example, a bit of anxiety can sharpen your focus before a big task).
The bottom line: we’re built to strive, not to bask endlessly. Accepting this fact can actually be a relief. It means that if you’re not happy in every moment, nothing is “wrong” with you. You’re simply following an ancient, productive pattern: working through challenges and scanning for improvements, just as humans always have.
The Universal Happiness Dip in Life
If you need more proof that constant happiness is unrealistic, just look at the patterns of happiness across a lifespan. Psychologists who study wellbeing have long observed a “happiness curve” over the course of life, often U-shaped. In general, people report higher life satisfaction in their early adulthood, a dip to lower happiness in midlife (the 40s or 50s), and then an increase again in later years [13][14]. This midlife slump has been documented in countries and cultures all around the world. One extensive analysis of 46 countries found that 44 of them showed this midlife dip in well-being [14]. In other words, feeling a lull in happiness in the thick of one’s working and family years appears to be nearly universal.
Why might this be? Midlife is often when demands and responsibilities peak – careers, raising children or caring for parents, mortgages, etc. It can be a stressful, busy time with many people depending on you. That doesn’t lend itself to carefree happiness. But importantly, the midlife dip is usually temporary. As life progresses into the later years, studies find that people often become happier again, regaining a sense of peace and perspective. In fact, economists David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald have noted this U-curve pattern in well-being has been replicated in hundreds of studies across diverse nations [13]. This suggests that feeling “less happy” during certain phases of life is a normal part of human experience – not a sign that one has failed at the happiness quest.
Crucially, even during that dip, most people are not miserable. They’re just not as exuberant as they were in youth (when life was simpler) or as content as they might be in retirement (when pressures ease off). The midlife happiness trough can be seen as a period of intense purposeful effort – people are in the middle of building careers, raising families, contributing to their communities. They may have less time for leisure or self-reflection, which can register as lower happiness on surveys. Yet often, if you ask them about meaning and satisfaction, they still feel their lives are meaningful despite the day-to-day stress. This shows us something key: the absence of “feeling happy” all the time doesn’t equal an absence of wellbeing. Sometimes, it’s a sign that we’re engaged in challenging but meaningful endeavors – the very things that give life depth.
When the Absence of Happiness Isn’t Unhappiness
Let’s unpack that idea: not feeling happy in a given moment doesn’t automatically mean you’re unhappy with your life. We often make the mistake of treating happiness like a light switch (on = good life, off = bad life). But in truth, life isn’t that binary. There’s a vast middle ground between joy and despair. In that space is where much of our most meaningful effort takes place – and it doesn’t always feel like joy while it’s happening, even though it enriches our lives.
Think of someone running a marathon. At mile 22, with legs aching and lungs burning, is that runner happy? Probably not in the moment – they might be suffering, pushing hard, wondering why they signed up! But are they unhappy? Also no. They are determined, resolute, and driven by a purposeful goal. That uncomfortable effort is in service of something deeply meaningful to them (whether it’s personal achievement, raising charity funds, or just proving to themselves they can do it). When they cross the finish line, the feeling won’t just be simple “happiness” – it will likely be something richer: pride, fulfillment, relief, maybe even euphoria after struggle. This example shows how the absence of happiness during effort is often the price of meaningful accomplishment. As the saying goes, “nothing worth doing is easy.”
In our own lives, many worthwhile endeavors come with strain or sacrifice. Studying late nights for a degree you care about isn’t fun, sticking to a workout regime can be painful, raising children is exhausting, building a community project is frustrating at times. During these activities, we might not describe ourselves as “happy.” We might be tired, stressed, or challenged. But we undertake these efforts because they matter to us – and that gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment that runs deeper than surface happiness. In fact, psychologists have found that engaging in meaningful but difficult work can increase resilience and well-being in the long run, even if it brings more stress in the short run [15]. One study noted that meaning-making – the process of investing effort into things that matter – can come with negative emotions in the moment, but it contributes to greater growth and resilience over time [15]. By contrast, avoiding all difficulty in the name of staying “happy” can backfire, leading to stagnation or even a sense of emptiness [15].
All this points to a crucial re-framing: the absence of happiness doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. It might mean you’re doing something really meaningful. Often, we are actually happiest in the grand sense when we are pursuing meaningful goals, even if day-to-day we feel challenged. As one review of well-being research concluded, human beings are often “happiest when they are engaged in meaningful pursuits and virtuous activities.” In other words, “happiness is fleeting, while meaning is enduring.” [6] True happiness (the kind that enriches a life) tends to ensue when we devote ourselves to things that matter, rather than appearing when we chase it directly [6].
This idea is captured by the concept of “purposeful effort.” We can define purposeful effort as the intentional energy we invest in the areas of life that matter most to us. It recognises that while hard work in these areas can be demanding, when our effort is guided by our values and directed toward what gives life meaning, it leads to a deeper form of wellbeing. One useful definition puts it this way:
“Purposeful effort” is the energy we invest in the areas of life that matter most — our work, our relationships, our community, our health, and our financial stability. It recognises that while great effort across these ‘life domains’ can be demanding, when it is guided by our values and directed towards what gives life meaning, it leads to a deeper sense of wellbeing.”
In essence, purposeful effort is about striving for fulfilment, not momentary happiness. It’s about doing the hard things because they align with your purpose. And far from diminishing wellbeing, this kind of effort enhances it. Over time, the accomplishments, connections, and personal growth you earn through purposeful effort give you a lasting sense of satisfaction that no quick burst of happiness can match.
Meaningful Moments in the Workplace (A School Example)
To see how this plays out in everyday life, let’s look at a workplace scenario – say, a typical school. Working in a school is full of challenges: the alarm rings at dawn, you’re in the classroom all day with energetic (and sometimes difficult) students, you spend evenings marking books or tweaking lesson plans. A teacher’s day is peppered with conversations – some uplifting, some frustrating – with young people who are still figuring out the world. There are plenty of moments in a teacher’s workday that are not “happy” in the instant sense. In fact, teaching can be exhausting and stressful. Yet, ask many veteran staff why they do what they do, and they’ll tell you about the meaning they find in it. Teaching, despite all its trials, is “one of the most inherently meaningful jobs a person can do,” as one education expert notes [16]. It offers a profound sense of purpose: the chance to shape lives and contribute to society’s future. That meaning sustains teachers through the tough days. Research has found that school staff who see their work as meaningful experience lower stress and burnout, and higher job satisfaction [17] – clearly, it’s not about being happy every moment, but about knowing why the work is important.
For school leaders, the takeaway is powerful: we need to honor and amplify these sources of everyday purpose in our organisations. In a school, that means recognising the value of teachers’ hard work and the purpose it serves. Rather than asking “How can I make teachers happier today?” (as if we could hand out joy like we can hand out sweets), a more useful question is “How can I help make their work more meaningful and better supported today?” The best schools and trusts may have a few wellbeing initiatives that help with short term motivation (like free tea, coffee and biscuits in the staff room), but the core focus will be on re-designing the workplace culture to ensure all staff are supported and valued. This may include mentorship programs, giving staff more autonomy to innovate in their role, or simply ensuring they are connected to the organisational values and reminding them of the impact they have on the lives of the young people they support. When people find meaning in their work and feel valued, it naturally boosts morale and wellbeing [17]. As research suggests, happiness often follows when meaning and purpose are in place [9]. An organization focused on meaningful work will likely have “happier” employees in the long run, because their deeper needs for purpose and contribution are being met. In any profession, when work feels significant and aligned with one’s values, the satisfaction that ensues is much more robust than any quick morale boost.
So in promoting wellbeing in workplaces (schools or otherwise), the goal shouldn’t be to eliminate all stress or make every moment fun – that’s neither possible nor necessary. Instead, the goal should be to create an environment where effort is connected to purpose, where people see the why behind what they do and feel supported in doing it. In such environments, even when days are hard, staff can end them thinking, “That was tough, but it mattered,” which is a fundamentally positive state of mind.
Purposeful Effort not Perpetual Happiness
Let’s be clear: emphasising purpose and meaning at work is not about encouraging people to run themselves into the ground or ignore their own happiness. Rest, balance, and self-care remain essential. No one thrives by being chronically overworked or by sacrificing their health — burnout helps no one.
What we’re advocating is a mindset shift in how we think about our happiness and overall fulfilment. It’s a reminder that maybe we’ve been looking at our lives and jobs through the wrong lens. For years, social media influencers and pop-culture gurus have blared the message that we should all be relentlessly happy — that if we’re not smiling, something’s wrong. But as we’ve explored, chasing happiness as a singular goal is misguided. Even a little reflection (or a little science) shows that a life of nonstop bliss is neither attainable nor truly fulfilling.
A more realistic and fulfilling goal is to chase fulfilment through purposeful effort. Aim to build a life rich in meaning, where the effort you pour in aligns with your values and leads to things you find rewarding — strong relationships, personal growth, contributions to your community, achievements you’re proud of. That kind of life might not make you grin ear-to-ear every hour; indeed, it will likely include sweat, tears, and sacrifice along the way. But it will give you something better than a shallow happy buzz: it will give you satisfaction, resilience, and a sense of accomplishment.
Ironically, when you stop obsessing over “am I happy right now?” and instead focus on “am I doing something meaningful?”, you often end up with a deeper form of happiness as a by-product. Your mood will rise and fall (that’s human!), but your overall sense of wellbeing can grow as you pursue what matters.
And once we accept that not being happy all the time is normal, we start to see the hollow promise behind the online “happiness” industry: it sells constant positivity, when what most of us actually need is purpose, progress, and belonging.
All of this brings us to the conclusion that hard work isn’t the enemy of our happiness and wellbeing.
The real enemy is effort without meaning — and, in workplaces that do not build a culture of value and support.
In schools and workplaces, this means reframing our approach to wellbeing initiatives. Free coffee and yoga sessions are a nice perk, but they don’t hold a candle to a culture that values purpose. Wellbeing isn’t about plastering a smile on people’s faces – you can’t yoga your way out of a wellbeing crisis! Ensuring fulfilment through helping people live and work in alignment with meaningful goals and values will inevitably improve wellbeing. When we get that right, we create conditions for genuine positivity to emerge naturally.
As a final thought, let’s remember that the greatest satisfaction often comes after the hardest work. Happiness will visit us in moments — and we should cherish those moments — but it’s the meaning we cultivate that stays with us, and keeps us going through the ups and downs.
The emphasis for wellbeing in the workplace must not degenerate into a quest for happiness alone. Wellbeing must retain its association with purpose, effort, sacrifice, accomplishment and fulfilment.[11][6]
Sources:
- Rafael Euba, The Conversation/Neuroscience News – “Humans aren’t designed to be happy.” (2019)[1][10]. Explains how evolution prioritized survival over constant happiness, making sustained bliss an unrealistic goal.
- Luke Kalb (Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health) – “Finding Meaning and Purpose to Achieve Well-Being.” (2025)[18][9]. Discusses the pitfalls of chasing happiness (“miswanting”) and the importance of meaning and purpose for sustainable wellbeing.
- Leva App (Wellbeing article) – “Meaning Over Happiness.” (2024)[15][6]. Summarizes research showing that pursuing meaning (even when it’s hard) leads to resilience and that people are often happiest during meaningful pursuits. Includes the quote “Happiness is fleeting, while meaning is enduring.”
- Carol Graham & Julia R. Pozuelo, Journal of Population Economics – “Happiness, Stress, and Age: How the U-Curve Varies…” (2016)[14]. Reports a study of 46 countries where 44 showed a midlife low point in happiness (U-shaped well-being curve), indicating a common cross-cultural pattern.
- Blanchflower, Bryson & Xu, PLOS ONE – “Well-being over the life course.” (2025)[13]. Notes that the U-shaped happiness curve (low in midlife, higher in youth and older age) has been replicated across hundreds of studies and many countries, suggesting the midlife dip is a general human experience.
- Vicki Zakrzewski, Greater Good Science Center (UC Berkeley) – “Take This Job and…” (2012)[16][17]. Emphasises that teaching is a highly meaningful profession. Cites research that teachers who find their work meaningful have lower stress and are protected against burnout, highlighting the power of purpose in difficult jobs.
The Infinite Headteacher 